Passion & Warfare: Open Relationships

Now, let me go ahead and preface this whole thing. This is going to be delving into a world where most people will never end up being a part of. This is from some personal experience, and the experiences of others that I have known over the years. I am far from an expert on this stuff, and I would never claim otherwise.... But that being said.....

The world of open relationships. This is something that I had personally avoided like the plague over the years, but eventually gave into after years of pressure. This is also something that I've come across many that have tried to make this work. In some cases it does, but in many cases, it crumbles what was already there before.

So, where do we start? I suppose we should discuss what kind of things are necessary for an open relationship to ever even have a chance of working:

1. Trust. If you don't have COMPLETE trust, then you are doomed to failure on this. This is a make or break.
2. Open communication. About everything. Every though, desire, idea, issues, discomfort, everything.
3. Time management. This is something that you don't generally think of when getting into a situation like this. But showing necessary attention is absolutely a must. Because even in the best of circumstances, someone will get jealous. 
4. Rules. There has to be rules set up. This is largely based on what is comfortable for everyone involved. And everyone needs to be as comfortable as possible, otherwise disaster can and will commence.
5. Acceptance. Accept the fact that the mind and heart of a human being is a fickle thing. Know that even in the best of previous circumstances, sometimes people will gravitate to another person. It's not a good or bad thing, but simply something that can happen.

Also, one thing that most people fail to remember is that there are varying degrees of open relationships.  I'll start off with what I'm familiar with, and go from there.

• Swinging: I figured I'd start here, as this is what I was sorta shoved into myself first. What Swinging entails is a couple getting together with another couple (usually), or bringing in a single male or female into the mix (a bit more uncommon). There are actually clubs that specifically market to such kinks. Sometimes it's a more spontaneous kind of thing, but generally is a situation where the involved parties will get to know each other a bit to ensure compatibility and attraction. 
• Classic Open Relationship: This is more of an ambiguous kind of arrangement. Generally, this is the working knowledge that either party is open to pursue a sexual relationship with other people. Usually this is based on the approval of the other party in regards to who they sleep with, and add to it any rules that have been set up. In theory, this is pretty cut and dry. 
• Polyamory: This is where things often get complicated. This is when love gets added into the mix. And this is where sometimes things fall apart despite all planning, rules, and the like. I know a few folks that do this, and have managed to make it work. I've been in this situation once. And it was a nightmare. But, back to the point. This is essentially when one of the people in the primary relationship has a full blown relationship (love, romance, etc) outside of it. This obviously brings a great deal of complication into the mix, and this is where that open communication and trust come into play to an extreme level.

Open relationships and I have a very rocky coexistence. And from what I've seen of them with most people, it isn't just me. I never really wanted to even be involved in an open relationship, but life takes you in interesting directions. The reasons for me having bad luck with them? Well, trust and the open communication parts of it were the biggest issues. I was getting pushed into it without really wanting it, and my relationship at the time was rocky at best. It should have been no surprise that it ended poorly. Don't get me wrong. If it weren't for the chaotic situation I was put into from this, I wouldn't have the person that is so important to me now. But I digress.

If you are going to attempt an open relationship, you have to make sure that you can deal with all of the points above. And most of all, do not agree to what you cannot handle. Being possibly uncomfortable with something is doable, but there are some lines that you know you cannot cross. Don't try to. Otherwise you are likely to resent the situation that you've agreed to take part in.

Do you have any questions? Comments? Concerns? Hate mail? Let us know, or me in particular.

Resources:
http://www.openrelationship.info/
http://www.unmarried.org/polyamory.html
I'll add more to this as I get some more input.

-JWJacobs