So, this is going to be a fairly vague post but I decided that I wanted to hear what intelligent people think about the topic of forgiveness: How do you do it? What does it take for you to forgive somebody? How hard is it for you to trust them again? What about varying degrees of forgiveness? This question is interesting to me because there definitely are degrees of forgiveness and there are certainly people I am more willing to forgive than others. I was thinking about this at length tonight and came to the conclusion that I don't even need an apology or a sense that the person is apologetic in order to forgive them. For me it's more a matter of whether or not they understand why I was upset or even if they acknowlege my feelings that's generally good enough. I find apologies make me feel awkward and almost forced into forgiveness because that's what you're supposed to do. The problem with an apology is that it is often just empty words. I don't believe in doing things because they are what you are supposed to do. I believe in doing something because you believe it is right.
There is my blurb. :) I may have done this wrong but I posted it because somebody has been too busy slicing their fingers off to get this underway.....
Snozzberry
Interesting thoughts on the subject. I think one of the contributing factors for myself is if they care. I've found that more often than not, one will rationalize actions, and not even acknowledge that anything is wrong. Dozens of folks in my life have been that way. But it is always a personal choice to forgive, and even moreso to accept then back in some capacity.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness they can have - eventually. Complete trust - nope. Never again. Betrayal's strength is in surprise: It punches you in the gut and takes the wind out of you. Once it's happened, you will always expect it to happen again - ergo, no real trust is possible. Speaking for myself, I find those that "forgive and forget" have a tendency to be hurt a lot. I usually wonder if they think they deserve it (admittedly or not) and therefore set themselves up for it.
ReplyDeleteAnyone can make a mistake or do something stupid - for that I forgive them. Faster if they show that they are trying to make amends, slower if it's "just the way they are." Trust, however, is like crystal - once it's broken it cannot be "fixed" without showing the cracks, which will always remind you it happened once, and could happen again.
Curmudgeonly y'rs:
Dyane Kirkland
I finally found a definition that fits for me:
ReplyDelete"To forgive is to stop being angry or resentful toward the offender."
From http://www.bandbacktogether.com/forgiveness-resources/
That fits because there is no way I'm going to tell the (evil made incarnate) person that they are forgiven. In fact, I have yet to stop being angry or resentful after 20+ years but it's getting much, much better.
Well, I know that I don't know all of that situation, only that it was not a good thing all around, and still hurts today. Maybe it isn't forgiveness we need to put out there. Maybe it is simply closure.
ReplyDelete